Failure to Bake
by Dragons Quill
Summary: Severus wants to do something nice for Hermione on their anniversary, but he has never used muggle cooking appliances before. What happens when she finds the aftermath and her husband in the middle of it all & what does Chocolate Sauce have to do with it?
1. The Story

Failure to Bake

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Harry Potter Universe or any of it's occupants as I am not JK Rowling, nuts. I also am perpetually broke and this isn't going to change that.

**Summary:** Severus wants to do something nice for his wife on their anniversary, but he has never used muggle cooking appliances before. What happens when Hermione finds the aftermath and her husband in the middle of it all? And what does Chocolate Sauce have to do with it? Come enjoy the fall out. SS/HG pairing.

**A/N: Not HBP or DH compatible. I would like to think they are in character, but Severus might be just a bit OOC.**

**this is just a quick little one shot that dawned on me and my beta when we were bouncing ideas off each other one day on the phone, I ended up being the one who wrote it. For those who are eagerly awaiting the next chapter of The Phoenix, the Raven and Prince Charming? Never fear! The next chapter will be up eventually. It has gone through too many rewrites for my liking so I have set it aside until next weekend and changed gears to let it settle before I tackle it again. I want a good chapter, not something I am not happy with yet and you all wouldn't like. **

Severus Snape was restless. He had been married two years now to the most wonderful woman he had ever known Hermione Snape, formally Granger. He did not believe his life could get any better. He was still the Head of Slytherin House and resident Potions Master at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry; and he did have to admit to still terrorizing the First Years, because it was fun. But now, ever since he had married Hermione two years earlier in a small ceremony at the beginning of the summer two years after she had graduated, he now actually spent time during the summer at his ancestral home of Snape Manor.

Hermione had spent her time at university productively, training to be a Transfigurations Mistress with a minor in Potions, always the overachiever. She had managed to get an apprenticeship with Minerva in her second year, as she had excelled in all of her courses and would graduate far sooner than any of her counterparts. Most took four years to become a Master or Mistress of a concentration, but not Hermione. She had thrown herself into her studies with unparalleled enthusiasm. He later learned that she had done that in response to her grief concerning the death of her parents during the final stages of the war after her 7th year.

It was during that time that he had begun to notice that she was no longer the child he had berated over the condition of her hair and teeth while as a student. She had become a beautiful young woman. A woman that he was soon surprised to learn did not hate him as much as he had assumed she would have. Granted his world wide loathing had been dampened by the news of his actions and role in the war, Dumbledore had made sure of that, but there were still many people that hated him for the things that he had done as a death eater. But not Hermione, she had been the first person in a long time that had gotten through his walls, being persistent and gentle she had somehow convinced him that he wasn't as bad as he believed himself to be, at least when she was around. He felt worthwhile when she was around and gifted him with the most amazing smile ever.

When she had finished her apprenticeship with Minerva Severus was very distraught with the prospect that she would be leaving Hogwarts to work someplace else, due to the fact Minerva was not going to retire yet. Severus secretly wondered if the stubborn old woman might not turn out like Professor Bins and teach long past the time her mortal life came to a close. Hermione had surprised him then. They had not been as close as he wished, and likewise feared, but they would talk civilly whenever they met. One night at dinner she requested a meeting with him. It had surprised him, but he did not refuse her.

The meeting had been to discuss what she wanted to do after she had finished her apprenticeship with Minerva. The fact that she was coming to him, the evil, greasy bat of the dungeons over her mentor and the mistress she was apprenticed beneath surprised him. The rest of the conversation that followed surprised him even more. She began to enquire about the possibility to apprentice beneath him to become a Master in Potions as well. He had somehow been able to contain his shock and told her that he would have to think about it, though in all truthfulness he was elated. It would keep her near him for another five years, she could not excel with the speed that she could in the other disciplines as it was equal parts knowledge as well as experience that made one a Potions Master or Mistress as the case would be. He had agreed a week later and she began apprenticing in potions after receiving her Mastership in Transfigurations.

It had taken him the entire summer to finally realize that she had been slowly working her way solidly into his heart for far longer than he would like to admit, but it took nearly until Christmas before anything had happened. He was so glad he had finally taken the risks and now nearly two and a half years later he was now married two years to Hermione.

The problem was that she was currently not with him. She was taking her test to get her final certification, on their anniversary no less. He had been hoping to spend the day in bed reestablishing his wedding vows with his bold, beautiful, loving, goddess of a wife, but the fates had had it in for that idea. She had been required at the Ministry almost before the sun rose and if he knew anything about the required potions that would graduate her, she would be late and tired. He wanted very much to tell the Ministry where to stick it, but he couldn't. At least he knew that she would not be whisked away from him to some unknown job. Albus had offered her the Muggle Studies teaching position, who else could teach the young wizarding elite more about muggles, than a muggleborn? She had of course accepted, and they would continue to share his chambers in the dungeons as they had done ever since they had been married.

She had certainly been 'initiating' him into accepting some muggle traditions and mannerisms. Soon after arriving at the Snape Manner she had managed to tick off the house elves, although they had all come to an acceptable, comfortable understanding. They had been at first very happy to have a new mistress to dot over, but they soon learned that she was a force to be reckoned with. She had accepted the house elves cooking and cleaning for the first few months of the marriage, as they had both been rather otherwise occupied and then they had moved back to Hogwarts for the school season. The real trouble came in, especially over the holidays, when Hermione tried to commandeer the kitchen back from the house elves. This left them feeling angry and marginally useless. They had finally convinced them that Hermione would cook dinner a couple times a week and the house elves would clean up, so that everyone was appeased.

Severus enjoyed both the house elves and Hermione's cooking very much, but did not really seem to care incredibly one way or the other who made his delicious meals. Although he did have to admit that watching her float around the kitchen did have it's advantages, and despite the fact she would be tired from slaving over a stove for a good portion of the day, that she was usually in more of an adventurous mood on those evenings as if her creative energies were still in need of an outlet; an outlet he was more than inclined to support and encourage.

He had spent the better part of the day sulking about the fact that he had been deprived of his wife on their anniversary. He had tired to brew in the extensive basement labs, but that didn't turn out well. The house elves not cooking his wife's favorite meal for dinner were now tied up for the day cleaning and repairing the damage he had rent with a rather extraordinary miscalculation in one of his experimental potions. Luckily he had escaped unscathed as he had been able to apparating out of the room just in time. Only to gingerly open the door a few minutes later after carefully picking his way back down to the basement. Just like all of the other old Wizarding manors, Snape Manor was not a place that could be apparated into and out of, but there were exceptions built into the spell that let family members apparate from one place to another within the warded grounds.

After surveying the damage and then assigning the duty of clean up to the house elves, he stalked off to the library after a quick lunch. This usually time consuming and peaceful past time also failed him quickly. After an hour of flipping through a book and then staring at another page for even more time, he decided he had to do something. Then the idea struck him. He decided to do something special for Hermione for their anniversary. He had already brewed her a lovely perfume and had personally gathered a dozen red roses and a single white rose and a single black rose from their garden, all to be put in a vase by the house elves to adorn the dinner table, but he felt he should do something more, something special for her. He decided that he would bake her favorite dessert, Black Magic Cake! The thought that did not strike him simultaneously, that really should have, was the fact that he had never in fact actually baked a cake.

Of course he had learned to cook for himself when he was on his own, living at Spinner's End during the wars, but he had never actually baked anything. His parents had been alive during the first war with Voldemort, living in the house. When they had died he had chosen to stay at Spinner's End instead of returning to his childhood home. He did not want to live in the large empty place with so many memories of things that were mostly not to his liking. He had vowed though, that when there was a mistress for the place, he would return to it. He had been true to his word.

Yet the fact remained that he did not actually used an oven for anything other than cooking meat. The delicate operation of coaxing butter, flour, eggs and milk into some delectable treat had never really interested him either doing it magically or the muggle way. The closest he had come to baking had been to watch his wife bake cookies a few weeks before, using a crazy muggle contraption that had made its way into his kitchen, a stand mixer she had called it. This was along side the blender, and the refrigerator/freezer combo that had made its way into his kitchen. She was clever enough though to figure out how to make them run on a magically fed battery that kept them supplied with seemingly endless supplies of electricity to also run the computer that had lodged itself into his library as well.

Making his way to the kitchen he was greeted by the enthusiastic house elves, eager to attend to his need, for obviously he was in need of something or he would not have ventured into the kitchens without his wife. Their little faces fell when he told them that he planned to bake a cake for Hermione himself. He then asked that they bring him the specific recipe and the necessary ingredients and tools he would need to make it. He made sure to include the request to use the muggle contraptions his wife had in the kitchen. He wanted to tell her that not only had he baked for the first time, but had managed to do so with the muggle contraptions that she had been trying to teach him to use. His Slytherin mind also whispered to him that he would probably get some extra points that would be cashed in on later that night if he could pull it off.

Sitting on a stool beside the counter he surveyed the list of ingredients and the ingredients that the house elves had laid out for him. Everything seemed to be in order, along with the stand mixer. Deciding he would get to know his new nemesis of the afternoon he fiddled with the buttons and soon had it figured out what all the buttons and knobs did. Ok fine, there was a pair of levers, but it still seemed very confusing to him. The lever on top of the 'arm' made the beater thing go faster while the lever on the 'body' made the bowl go up and down. Luckily for him the machine had the correct attachment on it already and he would not have to learn the difference between a kneading and a beating paddle, in this case the ignorance of the avoided mishap was indeed bliss.

After believing he had conquered the basics, if not the finer nuances of the blasted machine he began to follow the instructions much like he followed a potions recipe, to the precise letter. He had carefully chopped and diced the candy bars to perfectly equal pieces and then quite confused by the instructions reference to a 'double boiler'. He decided he would best leave the chocolate melting to the house elves, which were more than happy to help. Once the mixture was melted he poured it into the bowl of the mixer and then proceeded to add the other wet ingredients to the mix. He was actually quite pleased by the progress that he had made, and so quickly too. Then it came time to add the dry ingredients. Par the instructions he had mixed all of the dry ingredients together in another bowl, and when indicated on the instructions he added the dry ingredients.

This is where things went array, and very quickly! One minute he was in his black trousers, black shoes, white shirt, buttoned all the way to his neck and the next he, as well as a good portion of the kitchen, completely white, with brown black speckles from the top of his head to his feet. He stood in shock for a minute, empty dry ingredient bowl poised over the mixing bowl, the mixer still spinning and adding more 'spots' to everything. He managed to blink twice, with a small dusting of flour falling from his eyelashes as he did so, before his mind kicked back into gear and he had enough sense to stop the blasted machine from continuing its eruption. It only took another heart beat for his potion attuned mind to figure out that he had done something very wrong in his mixing of the ingredients. What he couldn't understand was why it had exploded!?! Baking ingredients weren't supposed to explode! Every time Hermione had baked she had come away unscathed, what went wrong?! Obviously the instructions had not mentioned the need to add flour slowly in intervals and at a slow speed, so of course he had added it all at once.

As he stood in shocked contemplation he heard a soft chuckle behind him and he spun around, his wand materializing in his hand from his pants pocket. He relaxed as he saw that it was Hermione leaning against the doorframe taking in the baking equivalent of a small nuclear testing site. But the puzzled look did not return, but instead the scowl he usually reserved for the First Years had made and appearance.

"What are you laughing at Madame?" He managed to growl with a slightly icy edge to his tone. She merely grinned and sauntered her way over to him with a smile. He put his wand back whence it had come and she produced hers. She proceeded to cast a Scourgifyon him, returning her wand as well. "You're home early." He commented, the icy tone turning to velvet as she came closer and wrapped her arms around him. He gave himself a quick glance over to make sure he was flour free, and wrapped his arms around her and bent to nuzzle her hair with his nose. She halted that measure with her hand on his chin and then reached up and took the tip of his nose into her mouth and gently sucked on it for a moment. He gave a throaty growl; she just smiled and settled her head on to his chest.

"I missed a spot." She murmured seductively from his chest. "I finished the test a little early. The potion we had to brew was wickedly easy, just a batch of a variation of the potion that you used in the bottle to go through to the next level of the chamber of secrets. Temperamental bugger, but once you cast the correct humidity spells around the room it is just as easy as the polyjuice in my second year." This garnered a snort from her husband and he leaned down to gently nip her throat. "Now before we get too carried away, at least on this account, I must ask, what happened?" She drew back from him slightly and indicated the small flour bombed area around them that was currently being reduced by the house elves in the kitchen. They were quite sure that the Master and Mistress would not do something so foolish again and they would once again rule the kitchen like normal. They would be sadly disappointed in a few days time when Hermione showed up to cook again.

"Well…" he began a bit sheepishly. "I was trying to bake."

"That I can see, but what? All I know is that it was something deliciously chocolate."

"I wanted to make you your favorite dessert for our anniversary, I figured it would be nice when you finally got back home." He admitted and then with a shrug. "But… it exploded. I really don't know what happened."

"I think I know." She laughed. "Because it happened to me once. You had the mixer up too high."

"Oh," he said uncomfortably. "I suppose we should get something to eat." He said after a bit of an awkward silence. "I had hoped to make dessert, but it seems rather pointless now."

"Nonsense." She said capturing his lips in a heated kiss. "You can't entice me with cake batter and then not follow through. I can't image you starting something and then not finishing it."

"Trust me; this is one thing that I don't plan on abandoning." He nearly purred into her ear, nibbling her ear lightly.

"Oh I hope not," she sighed, molding herself to him enticingly. "But I would like some chocolate tonight." She told him with a slight pout, trying not to smile as she enticed a very aroused growl from her husband with a brush of her hips.

"I am sure that can be arranged." He suggested through gritted teeth, untwining one hand from her hair and grabbing the bottle of chocolate sauce from the table of ingredients. "Just as long as you aren't picky as to what form it comes in."

"I don't think I will be terribly fussy, at least not about the chocolate." She replied with a sparkle in her eyes. "But what about dinner? I was always taught that chocolate would ruin your dinner if you ate it before hand."

"I could personally care less about dinner currently." He growled, cradling her hips with his own and drawing her closer to him with his arm. "I am much more interested in savoring my wife who was very rudely occupied all day, on our anniversary nonetheless."

"Yes, but you see, it is also the day that your wife became a full fledged Potions Mistress, able to now write her own papers instead of only co authoring." She said. "So I should say it is all for a good cause."

"Congratulations." He purred. "But I do hope you have not given up on co authoring completely."

"Actually, I was hoping to co author something tonight." she whispered into his ear. "But I do believe it will be something unpublishable, and I for one would like to keep it that way. Come Severus." she purred. "The house elves can clean up after you, and we can eat dinner later. Right now I would like to get some begining research done, and it will require you to be present. Don't forget to bring the chocolate sauce with you." She slipped out of his arms after a quick but passionate kiss, taking him by the shirt sleeve, she gave a light, playful tug and headed towards the door with Severus in tow. He was suddenly no longer concerned about his failure to bake. He had more important things to attend to.

**A/N: hope you all enjoyed my little one shot, that is all this is going to be. I know I had fun writing it and my wonderful beta skydancinghobbit enjoyed it as well. I would love to encourage you all to read what else we have both written. Thanks for reading, please review. Dragons Quill**


	2. Recipe Black Magic Cake

**A/N: hey every one, I know I said that this was a one shot, and technically it still is. This is just the recipe that Severus was using. This was a recipe that a friend found in a magazine a few years back, it was Better Homes and Gardens or Good Housekeeping, I don't remember which. I thought that I would give you all the recipe too because it really is an awesome cake. Sorry to all you high altitude bakers, I have no idea if or what any modifications would be, you are on your own for that.**

This recipe makes 1 cake in a 12 cup bunt pan. I usually will double it and freeze one (freezes very well). This cake really does not need any frosting or glaze at all. A light dusting of powdered sugar can/will make it look pretty but really unneeded. This is a wonderful, very heavy cake not for the faint of heart, more of a chocoholic's dream and a nightmare for anyone with cavities. Enjoy.

Black Magic Cake

1 cup butter (cut)

¾ cup Chocolate Syrup

8 (2.5 oz) Milkyway Bars (cut up)

2 cups Sugar

1 cup Buttermilk

1 teaspoon Vanilla

4 Eggs (Large - lightly beaten)

2 ½ cups Flour

¾ cup Unsweetened Coco

¾ teaspoon Salt

½ teaspoon Baking Soda

1-2 cups Mini Chocolate Chips (optional (my add in))

**325 Degree Fahrenheit oven**

**12 cup Bunt pan (greased and floured)**

**Will bake for 1- 1 ½ hours**

In a 4 quart microwave safe bowl melt butter, syrup, and candy bars for 5- 51/2 minutes. Whisk until smooth. You can also use a double boiler if you have one big enough.

Whisk in sugar, buttermilk, vanilla and eggs. Stir in salt, coco baking soda and flour.

Make the whole batter real smooth (once it is smooth you can stir in the mini chocolate chips if desired). Pour into pan and bake (325 Degree Fahrenheit oven) . At about 1 hour check with toothpick, should come out almost clean.

Remove from oven and let cool in pan for 10 minutes on a wire rack. Loosen from pan and invert on rack to cool. (I have found a piece of wax or parchment paper directly underneath the cake once inverted makes it easier to move.)

Can easily freeze whole or in pieces in airtight bag to prevent freezer burn. Best enjoyed warm (about 25-30 seconds in the microwave if frozen) with a big tall glass of cold milk.


End file.
